I headed out for the first community peer walk of the year this morning. It was absolutely freezing, the kind of biting cold that really wakes you up, but a grand bright day all the same. We were all chatting away as we walked, talking about the Christmas break, what we got up to, and the usual bits about New Year’s resolutions.
When it came to my turn, I actually found it a bit hard to explain what my plans were. I know well enough that there are things I need to be doing more of and plenty I need to pack in, but I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. It’s very easy to come out with “productive” goals, like volunteering for this or helping out with that project. They’re good things to do, of course, but I think they can be a handy way of avoiding what I actually need for myself.
Between trying to stay productive and the habit of just consuming things-the mindless YouTube shorts, scrolling through Instagram, or over-researching stuff I never actually start-I feel like I’ve lost the creative side of myself a bit.
I was thinking back to when I was younger, before we were all glued to the internet. We didn’t just sit there watching things; we made our own entertainment. For me, that was my own attempt at a newspaper (I was maybe 9…). It was just a single sheet of A4 paper folded in half to make four pages. It wasn’t for anyone else to read, it was just for me. I’d fill it with stories and “news” that only mattered to me in my own room.
Back then, I didn’t care if it was a “useful” way to spend an afternoon. I just enjoyed the making of it. Somewhere along the way, that feeling got buried under the pressure to be helpful to everyone else or the constant need to stay “informed” online.
Coming back from the walk, I’ve realised that making time for myself isn’t about being more efficient. It’s about getting back to that folded A4 page. It’s about choosing the quiet joy of making something, even if it’s just for me, instead of just watching what everyone else is up to.
I’m still not 100% sure what my resolutions are yet. But I know I want to spend less time being “productive” and a lot more time folding the paper.
